I guess when you get into a schedule things go by pretty quickly.
Among other things, I have been sticking to a strict schedule studying for the GRE. Because I am going to China next week, I want to get as much studying in this week as possible.
Tonight we celebrated Monica's birthday up at the Main House. It was really nice to have everyone up there...the kids, the staff that were around, and the volunteers. I really enjoy the company of everyone here. The longer I am here the more I am getting attached, and the longer I want to stay. I had (indefinite) plans to travel for 3 weeks before heading home in August, but I might not want to leave Stairway yet! I'm sure I will do some traveling, possibly Vietnam, Cambodia, and Thailand, but definitely not all that I was planning on doing.
There is certainly a balance that I need to find, and it is a struggle that I see as a pattern in my life. When does one stay and when does one go? I so often find myself in wanderlust, always ready to jump at the next chance to go somewhere new, visit a different place, see more of the world. But stay more than a few weeks in one place and I (naturally, I think) find myself dreading to leave, content with where I am...comfortable.
Comfortable...I feel as if I have been wired to hate that word, even though the things that bring me comfort are things that I most value in life (family, friends, a sense of home). I too often associate that word with complacency, and thus, an inherent lack of purpose or motivation. And yet, I find myself, as I think most humans do, perpetually striving for that comfort, or at least being pleasantly surprised when I somehow fall into it (as I have in a few ways during my time so far at Stairway).
I have given this much thought over the past few years. And of course these two concepts, comfort and meaning, are not, by any means, mutually exclusive. I just somehow initially have them on opposite sides of the spectrum. I know I am about to sound like an extreme relativist, and maybe I am one, but there are so many things that just don't have a black and white, a right and wrong answer to them. And for me, this is absolutely one of those things. I am thankful that I have these opportunities while I am young to able to decide on a situational basis when it is right for me to stay and when it is right to leave...but even if I can make the decisions for myself, they are not always easy ones.
