Let it be...

So…I have a sad update :(

As some of you may know, my dad has been battling cancer for the past few months. Things were still stable when I left for the Philippines, but as of this week things have really taken a turn for the worse. I don’t really know all of the details or what is happening, but I need to go back home this weekend. The cancer is really just taking over his body from what I understand. He had a seizure while he was in the hospital and didn’t wake up for a long time. I think he is semi-conscious now. Things are just not looking good, and we don't know how much longer he has.

I am really confused about the whole situation. Being so far away and not knowing what is happening is really stressful, and as much as I don’t want to leave Stairway, I want to be home as soon as possible. There are two typhoons passing through, so my flight is scheduled for Sunday night.

I have no clue what I’m going home to. I don’t know what is going to happen or when it will. There are so many things we don’t have control over…this is one of those situations where I need to remind myself to let it be, even when life just doesn't seem fair.

Prayers please, for my family, and especially my mom who is with my dad at Sloan.

I want to hold your hand

Normally I try to spend as little time in Manila as possible, but this weekend I spent a really nice 3 days there. I got back from Macau and wanted to visit John Mark, one of the Stairway kids, who was recovering in the hospital from jaw surgery. Annie was acting as his caretaker, and I figured it would be nice to see how he was doing and also to talk to a friend after having been traveling alone for the past week. I was only going to spend a day or so there, but I ended up staying with them until we all came back to Stairway together.

The first day I was with them in the hospital, the Deaf students who had visited Stairway for Deaf Camp few months ago came to visit John Mark. He had made friends with many of them while they were at Stairway, and was able to quickly learn and remember a lot of sign language. They came to wish him a belated happy birthday and a quick recovery. It was one of the most touching moments I have experienced so far this summer. Seeing him signing with them was incredible. I knew he could sign pretty well because I had signed with him before at Stairway when I saw him practicing. (I took a sign language class last year at Elon and LOVED it, and I actually remember a lot of it). But to see him signing with these students was great. I really want to learn and practice more as well, because I was shocked at how much I could remember myself. They signed in American Sign Language, so it was awesome to know the same version and to be able to communicate somewhat complex ideas and have real conversations. Thanks to Terry, my ASL professor for being such an AWESOME teacher!

The next day, we were visited by Annie’s Tita and cousins who live in Quezon City. I taught them No Guts No Glory and as always, that was a hit. We were supposed to take John Mark and his roommate, another boy unaffiliated with Stairway called Aljay, to the mall. However, because of the rain and other circumstances deemed comically “unsafe” by one of their elderly, yet incredible, doctors, we went on Monday instead.

It was really great to be able to get to know John Mark better during all of this. He is such an awesome, resilient, inspiring kid. His energy is contagious, he loves to sing, and he loves to joke around. His favorite song this weekend was "I Want to Hold Your Hand" by the Beatles. His recovery has been remarkable and he has been so helpful in the recovery of his friend Aljay, encouraging him to take his medicine when he doesn't want to, encouraging him to eat, and to do is physical therapy exercises. I am so happy that John Mark was able to receive this surgery because now he will be able to eat properly and become healthier. I couldn't think of a kid who deserves it more.

Might as well jump...!

So….yesterday I bungee jumped off the Macau Tower!!!!!!! It was absolutely INSANE! Bungee jumping was one of my goals for this summer, so I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to jump off the highest bungee jump in the WORLD, of course.

The day started out with a visit to the A-Ma temple. There were many people lighting candles and incense, and praying at the various stations. The architecture of the temple was beautiful, as were all of the different colors.

It started to downpour as I was leaving the temple, which did not

bode well for bungee jumping plans. I decided to wait out the storm, and it did pass, so I wandered over to the area of the city where the tower stands.It wasn’t until I was approaching the tower that I realized what I was about to do, and I got super excited when I saw someone jump as I walked near. That was going to be me in a few minutes! I started laughing out loud.

I bought my ticket up to the top of the tower and met a bungee instructor on the elevator going up. My stomach started getting jittery as the elevator with windows climbed to the top of the tower. I got out of the elevator, marched over to the desk, and paid for my jump. No turning back now, because they don’t give refunds! I signed my life away and they gave me a black shirt, signifying that I would be bungee jumping.

I was shown out to the deck where they put on my harness and as they were strapping the cord to my ankles and I saw the view, I couldn’t believe what I was about to do. I was SO high up! I was guided out onto what I considered was the equivalent of “walking the plank”. It was probably only 2 feet long, but it felt more like 2 miles. They counted down from 5 and at 3, I knew I would need another 5 second countdown. Haha. I looked around and saw the entire city below me. The wind was blowing, and I could not believe what I was doing. After the second countdown, I got up the courage to start leaning forward, and finally reached the point of no return…in a split second, I was free falling…eventually reaching over 200km/hr. 6 seconds and 233 meters later, I had done the tallest bungee jump in the world, and to say I was elated is an understatement. The feeling of falling was surprisingly not terrifying like I thought it would be. It was much more like skydiving than I had thought…no roller coaster stomach-in-your-heart feeling...that I can remember, at least! I couldn’t believe I did it, but I couldn’t imagine not having done it. It is incredible how scaredyou can be before you do something like that…but it really just took that one step of committing my body to the fall, and within a split second, I wasn’t scared anymore. I think Nike put it well when they said…”Just Do It.”

Anyway…the tower is too high for them to pull you back up, so they lower you down onto a big air-jump type of thing. I was only the second jumper of the day, and all of the tourists were talking at me in various Asian languages that I could not understand, but from what I gathered they were congratulating me. And naturally, they wanted to take pictures with me...I like to consider these peace sign-showing, picture enthusiasts as part of the Meagan Fan Club. After an impromptu photo shoot with half of mainland China, I made my way back up to the top of the tower to get my bag and to have lunch in the revolving restaurant, a nice treat with a breathtaking view after one of the coolest things I have ever done. All in all, a great first half of the day.

Then I got lost walking around Macau trying to find the lighthouse. Normal.

St. Paul's Cathedral at night, Spent a couple of days trying to read between the lines

So I am in Macau, and it is already starting off as an interesting trip. I woke up this morning in my expensive hotel knowing that I had to go out and look for a cheap hostel. I stayed in a nice hotel the first night because I knew I would be getting in late and didn’t particularly feel like roaming around in the dark looking for a hostel. I’d rather do that in the daylight.

I had read a few reviews and only knew of one decent hostel in the city…there aren’t many hostels in Macau at all…mostly ridiculously expensive resorts and casinos. So when I arrived at Auguster’s Lodge after climbing 3 flights of dimly lit or dark stairs and entered into the small office-like room, I was relieved to find the owner, Richard, whom I had read many good reviews about, sitting behind the desk. The hostel was tiny, with only two cramped rooms stuffed with 3 bunk beds each and a fan. I noticed an air conditioner in the window, but it looked like it hadn’t been turned on since the 1960s. I surveyed the place for about 15 seconds, which was all it took to get to know it considering the size, and decided that I could tough it out for 12 dollars a night. I was assigned a top bunk near the window, and directly beneath the archaic air conditioner (which, to my complete relief, did actually work yet was only turned on at night.) I have stayed in quite a few hostels, but this one was one of the roughest by far, especially considering the fat Chinese man who snored louder than anything I had ever heard, even with my headphones in. It took everything out of me not to either throw something at him or smack him.

Richard was extremely helpful. He lent me a map of the city, a tool that would become my guide for the next few days. I absolutely did not want to spend any more time than I had to in the hostel, so after dropping off my bags I immediately headed out to explore the city. I easily found my way to the historic district, thanks to the fact that Macau had been a colony of Portugal up until recently. All of the signs are in Cantonese AND Portuguese…thankfully I can read and understand a lot of Portuguese because it is so close to Spanish…well…at least much closer than Cantonese is to anything I would remotely understand or have the ability to decipher.

The Portuguese influence is everywhere in Macau, which meant beautiful colonial architecture and delicious food. I was starving once I got to Senado Square, so I followed my nose to find Macau’s famous Portuguese egg tarts. And for the equivalent of only $1, I had the most delicious breakfast I had tasted in a very long time. It was more of a custard, than anything else, in a flaky crust. YUM.

From there I wandered up the crowded cobblestone/paver street lined with food stands all selling basically the same thing (egg tarts, dried fish, beef jerky-ish meat, and shortbread cookies) to the ruins of St. Paul’s Cathedral. Only the front wall was standing, but it was pretty. Then I walked to the old fort and spent some time in the gardens up there. The Macau Museum is located up there as well, and luckily entrance was free :)

I did some more walking and found the Casa Gardens and the Protestant Cemetary…both of which were creepy. I was exhausted by the time I got back here to the hostel after a long day of walking and sweating in the sweltering Macau heat!

Don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way

Long story, but I am currently in the airport on my way to Macau.

Why, you may ask? Well, I had some timing problems with getting a visa for China. I was supposed to go to Beijing yesterday morning but I quite stupidly waited too long to get a visa (aka didn't get one) and it was not going to be processed in time when I got to Manila. Obviously I was stoked about going to Beijing, but I was even more excited because I was supposed to meet up with Meaghan Flood (for those of you not from K-town, the "other Meg" and I have been friends since she moved to Kinnelon in 4th grade, and has been studying in China this past semester.) So I am very bummed that I am not able to see her there.

BUT you have to be flexible if you want to travel. So since I was already in Manila, I decided to just book a flight to wherever had the cheapest ticket. In this case, it was Macau. So that is where I am going. Random, yes, but it will certainly be interesting! (Ironically, Macau is technically part of China-like Hong Kong- however you don't need a visa to enter.)

I have always wanted to just go to the airport and choose a random destination that looks cool, and this is the closest I think I have come to that! :)

As Lars put it in an email to me this morning, "a real journey is not something that you take on, it takes you on."

No guts, no glory

I was really happy to see that there are songs with those lyrics :)

Yes. We played No Guts, No Glory. For those of you who know what that means, I know you are jealous. For those who don't know, it is one of my all time favorite games that you play with 5 dice. It is a game of chance, and according to me, also skill :) My Aunt Kathy Harrison (love ya!) taught it to me a few years ago and it is one of those games that people get hooked on. At home, even Julia, who is not the biggest fan of games, likes to play :)

Usually not that much happens after dinner at Stairway, so I decided to change it up a little bit. I pulled out the dice the first time on Friday night to play with Aleah, Zach, Will, and Diego. We played again Saturday night with Annie as well. Needless to say, I think I hooked a few people.

Should I stay or should I go?

Wow, this week is flying by. It is already Thursday.

I guess when you get into a schedule things go by pretty quickly.

Among other things, I have been sticking to a strict schedule studying for the GRE. Because I am going to China next week, I want to get as much studying in this week as possible.

Tonight we celebrated Monica's birthday up at the Main House. It was really nice to have everyone up there...the kids, the staff that were around, and the volunteers. I really enjoy the company of everyone here. The longer I am here the more I am getting attached, and the longer I want to stay. I had (indefinite) plans to travel for 3 weeks before heading home in August, but I might not want to leave Stairway yet! I'm sure I will do some traveling, possibly Vietnam, Cambodia, and Thailand, but definitely not all that I was planning on doing.

There is certainly a balance that I need to find, and it is a struggle that I see as a pattern in my life. When does one stay and when does one go? I so often find myself in wanderlust, always ready to jump at the next chance to go somewhere new, visit a different place, see more of the world. But stay more than a few weeks in one place and I (naturally, I think) find myself dreading to leave, content with where I am...comfortable.

Comfortable...I feel as if I have been wired to hate that word, even though the things that bring me comfort are things that I most value in life (family, friends, a sense of home). I too often associate that word with complacency, and thus, an inherent lack of purpose or motivation. And yet, I find myself, as I think most humans do, perpetually striving for that comfort, or at least being pleasantly surprised when I somehow fall into it (as I have in a few ways during my time so far at Stairway).

I have given this much thought over the past few years. And of course these two concepts, comfort and meaning, are not, by any means, mutually exclusive. I just somehow initially have them on opposite sides of the spectrum. I know I am about to sound like an extreme relativist, and maybe I am one, but there are so many things that just don't have a black and white, a right and wrong answer to them. And for me, this is absolutely one of those things. I am thankful that I have these opportunities while I am young to able to decide on a situational basis when it is right for me to stay and when it is right to leave...but even if I can make the decisions for myself, they are not always easy ones.

Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start

Yesterday was a packed day! And it was the start of my actual work that I am doing here!

The morning was super busy as we prepared the last minute things for the general assembly. I printed lots of forms and papers. When we went down to the stage there were already a lot of people sitting on it, ready for the meeting. I sat next to Ate Ami and Ate Mercy on the side as Ate Teena presented a power point, going over the program and reminding people of the program expectations. She is terrific public speaker. Everyone seemed to be enjoying the presentation and they laughed a lot when Teena made jokes. She is a very charismatic person to begin with, so I guess that charisma also translates to her public speaking.

She then introduced me to the group and told them about my project and to be ready for me to come around the town doing surveys. Everyone seemed interested in participating, which was a huge relief to me! It is great to get the ball rolling on all od this so early. Ate Teena has been extremely helpful ever since I got here, and she is so fun to be around as well! I am very grateful to her and happy that she is here.

So next the kids were called up one by one to receive their school supplies.

It was an awesome experience to be able to see all of the families that Stairway helps, and also to talk with a bunch of them. Of course, because I am American and according to them, have "white hair", everyone wants to talk to me. It works well for me because I definitely enjoy the company and being able to share back and forth with new people.

We had lunch and then I was invited to go with Ate Teena, Ate Ami, Ate Susan, and Ate Mercy to the general assembly meeting in San Antonio, an island where more scholars lived. We took a boat from Puerto Galera to San antonio that looked like a two-year old could sink it. Seriously though....and we fit around 13 people in it! Ate Teena was joking that we would all have to share the 1 life vest if we capsized.

The water was particularly beautiful that day, crystal clear. And we could see the ocean floor and the coral almost the entire ride to San Antonio.

After the beach later that afternoon I spotted Ate Carol coming in from snorkeling. She had been away from Stairway since I got here, so this was the first time I saw her. And it was SO good to see her. For those of you that don't know. Ate Carol was one of my favorite people that I met and worked with when I was here last time. She is such an incredibly talented person on many levels and in general, she had a big effect on me. So I was very happy to see her today. And after dinner Annie, Diego, and I went up to her hut where we chatted and jammed a bit. (Ate Carol is a very skilled musician and singer, and has a few cool instruments at her hut.)

Overall it was quite the day!

This week I will be starting myself on a schedule which includes studying for the GRE every day!

Too cool for school

Today, Saturday, was great.

I was able to help Ate Teena get a ton of stuff done for Stairway's scholarship program general assembly meeting, which is tomorrow morning. Stairway sponsors over 100 kids with all or some services such as tuition, food allowances, rides to school, uniforms, and school supplies.

Since school starts June 6th, the scholars and their parents will each have meetings to go over the program expectations and updates, and also to receive their school supplies. So after we worked in the office on a variety of things, we headed down to the new stage at the bottom of Stairway where all of the school supplies were starting to be packed up by everyone. I love when the entire Stairway family works on a project together. It always makes the work fun.

At the meeting tomorrow, Ate Teena will introduce me to the scholars and tell them about my research project so that they know I will be looking for survey participants.

Tonight I went down to White Beach with Becca, a Peace Corps volunteer, Annie, another volunteer, and two of the guys who work at Stairway. We sat and had a beer at Coco's, a small place on the beach where there was live, corny, cover music being played by guys who looked 13 but were probably 18 or 19. It is really cool having Becca and Annie here. They each have had some awesome experiences and have traveled a lot. Annie did the Peace Corps in Turkmenistan. And they are both really cool people in general. Coincidentally, Annie and I are taking the GRE one day apart in Manila in July. She is very good about studying for it, and that is definitely keeping me on my toes, because we all know how good of a studier I am ;)

Sing it out, boy, you've got to see what tomorrow brings... Sing it out, girl, you've got to be what tomorrow needs

There are two outside groups staying with us right now. One is a group of social work students here for trainings with Ate Aleah (super-cool, world-traveling, adventure-seeking, Stairway psychologist). The other is a choir group from Smokey Mountain in Manila, which is literally a garbage dump. They are a group of kids, mostly girls, ages 10-16 who are clients at a foundation in Manila, and the foundation is holding their summer camp here for a few days.

1) Everyone, including their leaders, who I have quickly become friends with, has amazing voices. So of course, I like them even more, and I am quite jealous!

2) Most of the leaders have gone through the foundation program, and one even came through Stairway at one point. These people are so inspiring and awesome examples for the younger kids to follow.

3) The choir kids are so great! We went swimming this morning and by their request, during my off time I have been participating in some of their activities. Naturally, they all want to be Facebook friends with me and loved pointing at all of my millions of freckles. "What are those called, Ate Meagan?" (asked one referring to my freckles. "Why are you not black?" another asked (black meaning tan, like them).

It amazes me more and more how relevant my research topic on skin whitening really is.

4.)Last night a few of the leaders and I went to the beach. Of course they brought a guitar and we sang a little bit. Of course, the language barrier is definitely there, but they know tons of American songs. The highlight of my night was singing the Star Spangled Banner, I think. (Alexandra Rogozinski, you know how much I love to sing that song!) I also translated a few Spanish songs they knew the words to, but not what they meant. It was funny to see the clarity on their faces when they understood words that they had been singing for years!

I will be sad to see this group leave!

They speak of progress

Today was really cool. Things are moving along quickly!

I had a bit of an orientation meeting with Ate Ami, the social worker here, who pretty much runs the show. It is so great to see her again. She is one really cool person. She is very liberal for a Filipina, and is extremely independent, smart, and caring, with a heart of gold. She is awesome to talk to about all different things, especially issues that might be taboo here.

She was extremely supportive of my goals for my research and is excited about helping me in any way she can.

Ate Teena, the coordinator for the scholarship program from which i will recruit most of my survey participants, has also been super helpful already.

We are in the process of setting everything up now in order to recruit participants and schedule times for surveys.

I saw Monica, Lars, and their daughter, Izana this morning and it is awesome to be around them again! They are such inspiring people. Their son, Zachary, will be back from boarding school in the US next week and it will be great to see him again as well.

Tonight I am going to hang out with some people from one of the groups staying here!

The heat is on!

It's amazing the things we can get used to, and forget that they once bothered us.

Maybe it is a defense mechanism. Maybe it is your mind's way of getting you to do things you have to, but would otherwise be less obliged to do if you remembered the parts that were uncomfortable.

Not that I would not be here had I truly remembered how hot and humid the tropics are, but man, is it steamy here! Maybe I didn't remember it because my body did eventually get used to the heat last time I was here, as I know it will this time as well.

I was initially hit with the reminder of the climate yesterday while waiting in the boat at the Batangas pier. After I landed in Manila. I had ridden 2 hours from Manila to Batangas to catch a boat to White Beach, which was meant to leave at 2:45. So naturally, we left the dock at approximately 3:49 pm, after an hour's reminder of the stifling climate, not to mention a full 35 hours since I left my house in New Jersey. The boat ride took a little longer than usual due to the fact that in this relatively small watercraft was being transported a small appliance store's selection of washer and dryer machines, which needed to be unloaded in Puerto. Just before Puerto, we encountered a storm, which resulted in my getting off the boat in Puerto, after the appliance store was unloaded, and hopping on a jeepney the rest of the way to Stairway. Welcome to the Philippines!!!

It was so great to walk through the gates at Stairway again. Honestly, I couldn't believe it had been 2 years since I had been here. There have been some HUGE changes made here though, including the construction of a new stage as well as a new house for guests, the Orange House, where I am staying.

It is so nice to see all the familiar faces that are here, as well as to meet the new ones. The new batch of kids is arriving June 15. Today I am looking forward to a few meetings to figure out how exactly I am going to do my research project!

Destination, rock steady...destination, people get ready

37 hours later and I'm safely here at Stairway!

The trip was long, but pretty much uneventful.

Something about airports always gets me a little emotional. I ended up waiting a while at JFK because my car dropped me off early, leaving lots of time for reflection and some liquid feelings. No worries, this is completely normal and expected. Thank you to Julia for the routine phone call :) Literally wherever she is in the world, she always answers my phone calls when she knows I am in transit somewhere! Youdabestttt.

The flight from JFK to London was a little turbulent. I forgot how much I like British accents.

London to Bangkok was a cool flight...we flew over the Middle East and Central Asia....but it was dark, so I couldn't see much out of the window except for lights occasionally. I tried to guess the cities by their size and by the radar on the plane that shows where you are on the map. It is so weird to think about all of the people down there. I always wonder what they are doing, and on some level, regret not being able to meet every person and find out.

There was also a ton of lightening all over the sky which was at first, alarming because I did not realize what it was, but I probably stared out the window fascinated by it for at least 2 hours.

From Bangkok I flew to Manila and now I'm at Stairway. I'll post a bit later about the rest of the journey to Stairway, but for now I am off to bed!

Loveee