I just want to be okay, be okay, be okay

Today was supposed to be my last day at LISIl, but I decided on my walk down to the school, with the sun shining on the mountains and the lake, that I wasn't ready to say goodbye there and that I would make time to go tomorrow. At school I listened to the 6th grade girls do their speeches and graded them on their pronunciation one by one. Some of them did much better than others with the pronunciation, grammar. and word order.

Listening to these girls, many of whom were very nervous and who had made a lot of progress since I first met them, made me think about my time here. It made me think about the connections I've made with them and the people in the community, and the things that I have done while I was here. Was it enough? Did any of it make a difference anyway? Because after all, I did not make the girls fluent in English (not that this was the goal). But even if I did, would they be able to go on to a university education, get a high paying job, travel, or do any of the things we count as essential experiences to living a meaningful life?

The answer to all of that is probably no. And after all the traveling I have done and all the experiences I have had meeting people just like these girls, I am always disappointed in myself for asking these questions and wondering those things. Because apart from the fact that our cultures value different things, the truth is, it really doesn't matter if these girls go on to do things like I have done/will do. Because these are not the things that make up a meaningful life. People can have purpose right where they are. Living in a small town on Lake Atitlan, nestled between mountains and volcanos and never leaving there is okay. It is okay for the people that I have met there and it is okay for us wherever we are. I do not only have a purpose when I am in a foreign country volunteering- I have a purpose living in Kinnelon, NJ or in Elon, NC. I just have to remember that purpose.

The most perfect example of this is a woman I have spent a lot of time with here in Guatemala. Petrona (Liza's host mom) has lived in San Juan her whole life. She knows her role in the community. She is the one to whom everyone comes for anything; prayer, food, a friend to talk to, a natural remedy, or anything else one could need. She opens her home to foreigners and locals alike. She will probably never get to see the world, learn to read, or learn English. But that is okay. That is not her purpose. Her life serves a greater purpose as everyone's mom, friend, sister, and the most generous, welcoming, and loving woman I have ever met.


Anyway... after classes I went to the clinic one last time to say goodbye to Antonia, Gloria, and Timoteo. They have been such fun people to be around and I am so glad I was able to volunteer in the clinic this summer. The experience of translating, seeing the educational/nutrition classes, and seeing how the clinic works has been a transforming one to say the least. I am thankful to them for welcoming me and also to Liza for sharing her placement with me :)

Tonight as one of my parting gifts, I made dinner for my host family. I decided to make tomato basil soup and garlic bread- one of my favorites! (And Liza, Mary, and I tested it out a few times!) Elena and Clarita helped me make it and everyone loved it. But of course, they still needed to have their tortillas in addition.

Before dinner a bunch of my girls from LISI came over (they like to drop in occasionally) and needed help with some homework. I was skyping with Erica and Kel at the time, and so they all got to meet each other- it was pretty funny, because (most of) you know my sisters!

Tomorrow is my last day here and I am about to pack now...I can't believe it has been 7 weeks since I moved in here, and it is already time to go.. tomorrow will be a very bittersweet day.